So its deadline time. The time when you’re either off your nut on caffeine or pissed as a fart on surprisingly little due to lack of sleep. Obvs its a wonderfully glamorous time of year for every student. I thought I’d share a few of the highly intelligent, eloquent, astute thoughts that have gone through my head in the last week or so:
1. Another word for “…”. Don’t think it’s acceptable to use it an eighth time in one paragraph
2. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT WORD
3. I don’t need to do this degree malarkey do I? Education is overrated…I’d totally pull of being a hobo, already got the hair for it
4. Maybe I should get some coffee. Definitely, definitely coffee.
5. Secondary reading…should totally have been doing that.
6. Oh look, bathroom needs cleaning, I should alphabetise my books and clearly I absolutely have to organise my computer files.
7. I’m hungry. I can’t possibly be expected to do my best work without substance, I am a growing child.
8. Ha, cats on youtube.
9. Right, I’m gunna get my shit together. Okay, I got this. I’ve got a drink and I’m comfy and my notes and I’m so ready. Fuck, look at the time.
10. I will start at 8pm. Nice round number. *8:02 comes around* shit, better start at 8:30.
11. Sorry, what does that question even say?
12. Referencing, you sultry little fucker.
13. Dear Bibliography: Why you hate me? Why you take so much of my time? Why?
14. I don’t need a higher education do I? Education is completely archaic and unnatural. You shouldn’t mistake education for intelligence. I’m intelligent therefore I do not need to write this essay. I am above this.
15. Nap? Nap. *Naps*
16. Words, words? Wherefore art thou?
17. I’d obviously be more productive if I did this with other people. *meets up with other people, collectively procrastinates for a solid 3 hours*
18. I’M ON A ROLL, GET OUT MY WAY MOTHAAAFUCKAAAAS
19. Conclusions you pinikity little shit. Why is it impossible for me to not sound like a rambling, retarded simpleton? Why is this even necessary?
20. DONE. RELIEF. LIBERATION. FREEDOM. I’d like to thank my father, the starbucks ladies, the kind librarian….
It is 3:35, on a Sunday night and this is absolutely not procrastination.