There is a moth and another questionable creature buzzing around my room, harassing me. Do I deserve this kind of torment at my age?
Because OH YEAH, it’s my 21st birthday, as of about 29 minutes ago. I have just returned to you, and to Ol’ Blighty after a long weekend in my favourite place in France, with some of my very favourite people, and I was thinking on the ferry about all the things I’ve learnt in my 21 years on this earth plane. Obviously, I’ve mastered both the art of playing it cool and sarcasm, (see what I did there, I’m the least cool person FYI), but I thought I’d list 21 other things I’d learnt before 21.
Sorry about the ground breaking post idea, but I love reading them, so, I present to thee worldly knowledge, advice and laws to live by, Graceland style:
- Sometimes spending money, makes money.
- Nothing is permanent inc. tattoos, jobs etc.
- Ignore those who tell you what you will and won’t regret.
- Drink water before alcohol.
- Be selfish, but don’t be.
- You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat the person serving their food.
- If you can’t laugh during sex, then it’s probably shit.
- If you’re going to hit someone, hit them.
- Always change your sheets before you go away.
- You can only blame your parents until you’re 25. Rule.
- Learn all the useless crap you can. The pub quiz team will thank you.
- Never say ‘I love you’ for the first time after sex.
- Never put all your happiness in other people.
- Know thy limits; Alcohol, Emotional, Ice cream etc..
- Save your real goodbyes.
- Be a boyscout, have an emergency kit of your important documents somewhere outside the house, and an emergency kit in your car
- Don’t be awkward next time you see that boy you kissed.
- Coughlin’s Law: Never tell tales about a woman, she’ll hear you no matter how far away she is.
- Learn basic DIY, and mechanics, and ironing. They’re not easily mastered art forms.
- Never let a means to an end be the be-all, end-all.
- Cock up with confidence.
And there you have it. I wanted to add, “No Glove, No Love” but I felt I had too many about sex already, and I don’t want you all going and getting the wrong idea about me.
Who knows, maybe at the next landmark birthday, I’ll shock you all with actual words of wisdom (I wouldn’t hold your breath, if I were you).
Stick with me, kid and I’ll make you a star.